A problem I often hear from lesbian individuals and couples is a disparity in or waning of sexual interest. One or both partners will experience ambivalence or non-interest. Women in heterosexual relationships also often experience diminished sexual desire, particularly if their lives are super busy with work and childcare. The biological drive towards sex may be more cyclical in women then men, and in relationships where both partners are female, there may be long periods of time in which neither partner initiates sexual activity and the sex life may fall asleep.
Some refer to this situation as “lesbian bed death,” as the partners grow to experience less and less sexual intimacy the longer the relationship lasts. I help lesbian couples to navigate this situation successfully by encouraging undefensive communication about sex, and creating opportunity for undemanding loving sensuous experience.